I'm sitting here in my favorite chair while drinking my new favorite beverage (V8 V-fusion). A while back I discovered the show "Iron Chef America" on the Food Network. I've always been amazed at a chef's culinary talents. Iron Chef America pens a "challenging" chef with one of the shows veteran "Iron Chefs." They do a cook-off and for an hour need to come up with 5 plates all including the secret ingredient. Tonight, that ingredient was a tomato. After they finish the plates, 3 judges taste what the chefs have come up with. Tonight the judges went through each plate and explained what they liked and disliked about the plates. Each judge has a different sort of background, but all having to do with the culinary arts. During the Iron Chef's judging, two judges began to disagree right from the very beginning. At one point the first chef said, "Don't listen to him." Then while the first chef was talking on the second platter, the second chef openly disagreed with her enjoyment of the "fritter" saying, "This is NOT a fritter."
It was sort of humorous to watch these two experts arguing back and forth. I've never been one to enjoy arguing or debating. In fact, I let my emotion get the best of me during things like that and end up getting angry and not being able to keep a composed disposition. During the last week my patience has been tested in this very area. A person in particular tends to just LOVE to disagree with everything I say. No matter what my opinion is on things, this person seems to find every opposing view in the book. This has happened so often that I feel the need to just refrain from speaking in their presence for fear that something I say is going to be disagreed with. I guess the problem really isn't the fact that this person disagrees...the fact is the attitude in which the person disagrees. It's almost an arrogant attitude of, "I'm right and you are always wrong." When it comes to my successes, the person has a very hard time rejoicing with me in them. Most often than not, when a great thing has happened in my life and is being discussed in a group setting, this person will almost always try to overcome the topic with a success of their own. Most of these things are done in a passive-aggressive fashion and, instead of nipping it in the bud and ending it, I feel the need to allow the behavior to continue so as not to start a public feud. Not only does this person disagree in a addictive fashion, but they also NEVER agree.
The question is, how far should a person allow this behavior to go before saying, "Listen, we're two very different people with two very different takes on life. While you have every right to disagree, I'd appreciate if you can begin my respecting my opinion and then tastefully discussing your own." I've come to conclude (through my vast sense of psychology) that the reason behind all of the disagreement is caused by a feeling of inferiority. I'm older than this person by a few years, have been out on my own much longer, and have had many more career and life experiences. So I feel their need to disagree stems from the fact that they feel that they need to prove themselves to people around us in order to feel on the same level (though I really don't see it as a matter of levels). While both of us are very different, we both have very different experiences. While this person might not have some of the time-related experiences I do, they also are farther along in formal education, advanced in social settings, and a lot more in tune with people's emotional needs. Those are all things I find as my weaknesses...yet...I'm comfortable and pleased with my strengths. If I were to try to correct this behavior in any way, it would be deemed as another element to make them feel even more inferior and ignite a heightened defense system to prove me wrong.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, it seems. So I shall zip my lip and pray that someone points it out before I've hit my limit on disagreements. If a person has to feel better about themselves by presenting arguments against my viewpoints, then all it shows me is immaturity and insecurity. Maybe time will change that fact...but for now...I'll just have to be prepared for discussion with a proposal to an argument...or silence in general.
[ ... ]
It was sort of humorous to watch these two experts arguing back and forth. I've never been one to enjoy arguing or debating. In fact, I let my emotion get the best of me during things like that and end up getting angry and not being able to keep a composed disposition. During the last week my patience has been tested in this very area. A person in particular tends to just LOVE to disagree with everything I say. No matter what my opinion is on things, this person seems to find every opposing view in the book. This has happened so often that I feel the need to just refrain from speaking in their presence for fear that something I say is going to be disagreed with. I guess the problem really isn't the fact that this person disagrees...the fact is the attitude in which the person disagrees. It's almost an arrogant attitude of, "I'm right and you are always wrong." When it comes to my successes, the person has a very hard time rejoicing with me in them. Most often than not, when a great thing has happened in my life and is being discussed in a group setting, this person will almost always try to overcome the topic with a success of their own. Most of these things are done in a passive-aggressive fashion and, instead of nipping it in the bud and ending it, I feel the need to allow the behavior to continue so as not to start a public feud. Not only does this person disagree in a addictive fashion, but they also NEVER agree.
The question is, how far should a person allow this behavior to go before saying, "Listen, we're two very different people with two very different takes on life. While you have every right to disagree, I'd appreciate if you can begin my respecting my opinion and then tastefully discussing your own." I've come to conclude (through my vast sense of psychology) that the reason behind all of the disagreement is caused by a feeling of inferiority. I'm older than this person by a few years, have been out on my own much longer, and have had many more career and life experiences. So I feel their need to disagree stems from the fact that they feel that they need to prove themselves to people around us in order to feel on the same level (though I really don't see it as a matter of levels). While both of us are very different, we both have very different experiences. While this person might not have some of the time-related experiences I do, they also are farther along in formal education, advanced in social settings, and a lot more in tune with people's emotional needs. Those are all things I find as my weaknesses...yet...I'm comfortable and pleased with my strengths. If I were to try to correct this behavior in any way, it would be deemed as another element to make them feel even more inferior and ignite a heightened defense system to prove me wrong.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, it seems. So I shall zip my lip and pray that someone points it out before I've hit my limit on disagreements. If a person has to feel better about themselves by presenting arguments against my viewpoints, then all it shows me is immaturity and insecurity. Maybe time will change that fact...but for now...I'll just have to be prepared for discussion with a proposal to an argument...or silence in general.
