Today is the big day! I could not be more excited to be releasing my work in published form. On the left hand side of the page, you'll see a "buy now" button for my book directly from the distributor. In order for you to get the best book availability and the quickest shipment, I've held off for just a few days or so on releasing it to other bookstores and retailers. For those of you who had emailed me about getting one of my discounted copies, I'll be emailing you once I receive my shipment to let you know it's ready!
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Friday, December 12, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A Life In Depression...
This might seem like such a hot-button topic...but I felt it was necessary on the eve of my book release. The book is a compilation of poetry I've written over the last few years. Mind you, one of them I've written in the past year and the rest are over that, I believe...it's been a while. Upon reading them myself, I realize that half of the book is filled with sad, dark poems; while others introduce strength. Before you allow your reading diagnose me, I wanted to give you a bit of a background.
In the last few years of my life, I've gone through stages of depression. One such stage happened immediately after my first semester in college upon my return home. It might've been my deepest depression out of all of them. It seems every year or so, I'd go through months of this same depression. Every battle built upon the last which sort of makes up who I am today. I think of myself as a lot more used up than I used to be...though, I find that natural as we progress in years. It was during my last stage of depression over a year ago that I did most of my writing. At the time, I felt rejected, disappointed, and in utter distress over situations in my life. To sum it up, not only did I have to go through the struggles of a normal 20-something girl...but I also carried the burden of ministry on my shoulders. Most ministers will tell you they go through depressive stages like that as well when it comes to dealings in the ministry. In my case, I got a double portion. After a while, I started to come out of my depression to gain new strength. The other half of the poems you'll read in my book will portray that (and some were written out of just utter goofiness).
Depression in life is inevitable. It's caused by one of two things...a.) a lacking of chemical balance or b.) situational depression. In my case, every battle of depression I went through was triggered by a situation. It really might be time to look at what's causing depression in society rather than treating it like a malfunction with the person. Sometimes...we're just sad. I particularly feel for ministers like myself who have to go through their struggles alone. There's so much weight of spiritual responsibility to carry, there are days when you want to give it all up and trade it for a normal life.
The thing we have to realize is through our test...comes a greater testimony. So when you're reading through the pages of my book, I want you to see it for the transition that it is...from test...to testimony. Because held in those pages is the battle...and the victory.
Don't worry..today I'm well...I'm happy...I'm content. In fact, I have so much to be thankful for at this very moment...in 24 hours my first published book will be released and I begin my journey of sharing my testimony with the world. Not only that, but I've found solice in friends and family who love me. I'm complete because of the love they give me. Finally, I'm driven to use my time to reach out to people. In putting my story to paper, I'm opening up millions of doors for people to connect with my life. In the same token, I'm opening up doors for myself to do things I've never done before. Life really couldn't be better...but soon it will be!
[ ... ]
In the last few years of my life, I've gone through stages of depression. One such stage happened immediately after my first semester in college upon my return home. It might've been my deepest depression out of all of them. It seems every year or so, I'd go through months of this same depression. Every battle built upon the last which sort of makes up who I am today. I think of myself as a lot more used up than I used to be...though, I find that natural as we progress in years. It was during my last stage of depression over a year ago that I did most of my writing. At the time, I felt rejected, disappointed, and in utter distress over situations in my life. To sum it up, not only did I have to go through the struggles of a normal 20-something girl...but I also carried the burden of ministry on my shoulders. Most ministers will tell you they go through depressive stages like that as well when it comes to dealings in the ministry. In my case, I got a double portion. After a while, I started to come out of my depression to gain new strength. The other half of the poems you'll read in my book will portray that (and some were written out of just utter goofiness).
Depression in life is inevitable. It's caused by one of two things...a.) a lacking of chemical balance or b.) situational depression. In my case, every battle of depression I went through was triggered by a situation. It really might be time to look at what's causing depression in society rather than treating it like a malfunction with the person. Sometimes...we're just sad. I particularly feel for ministers like myself who have to go through their struggles alone. There's so much weight of spiritual responsibility to carry, there are days when you want to give it all up and trade it for a normal life.
The thing we have to realize is through our test...comes a greater testimony. So when you're reading through the pages of my book, I want you to see it for the transition that it is...from test...to testimony. Because held in those pages is the battle...and the victory.
Don't worry..today I'm well...I'm happy...I'm content. In fact, I have so much to be thankful for at this very moment...in 24 hours my first published book will be released and I begin my journey of sharing my testimony with the world. Not only that, but I've found solice in friends and family who love me. I'm complete because of the love they give me. Finally, I'm driven to use my time to reach out to people. In putting my story to paper, I'm opening up millions of doors for people to connect with my life. In the same token, I'm opening up doors for myself to do things I've never done before. Life really couldn't be better...but soon it will be!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Let Go...
So it has been one of the most wonderful Sunday afternoon's I've had in a very long while. I pretty much camped out in bed all afternoon and watched "The Holiday" which happens to be one of my favorite movies to watch around Christmas time. If you haven't seen the movie, you should. There are characters in the movie which I directly relate to. My favorite quote of all time...
It's an empowering little ditty, I think. In my own life, I think I've needed to say that a lot. Maybe not to lots of people (though, there have been a few) but to feelings, situations, and circumstances. We allow ourselves to be overtaken by circumstances that pull us down...it is, in fact, toxic. Today I feel good...and good enough to let go of the most toxic of things. Which leads me to my next thing I liked about this movie....
LET GO
Drink up, baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you.
Excuse me...to busy...you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps you bubble-wrap
When you've got no idea what you're like
So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, that are you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply
So amazing here...
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
[ ... ]
You have never treated me right...ever! You broke my heart! Then you acted like somehow it was MY fault...MY misunderstanding! I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you so I just PUNISHED myself...for years! Now you're waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday wilst your about to get married! Somehow...that entitles me to say...it's over! This twisted, toxic thing between us is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! I've got a life to start living...and you're not going to be in it. Now I've got somewhere really important to be and you've got to get out! I think what I've got is something slightly resembling gumption! ARGH!
It's an empowering little ditty, I think. In my own life, I think I've needed to say that a lot. Maybe not to lots of people (though, there have been a few) but to feelings, situations, and circumstances. We allow ourselves to be overtaken by circumstances that pull us down...it is, in fact, toxic. Today I feel good...and good enough to let go of the most toxic of things. Which leads me to my next thing I liked about this movie....
LET GO
Drink up, baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you.
Excuse me...to busy...you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps you bubble-wrap
When you've got no idea what you're like
So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, that are you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply
So amazing here...
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
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